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Ο…Φασολάκης και το μενού

Καλησπέρα στις απανταχού γριές όλου του κόσμου…

Λοιπόν σύντροφε αναγνώστη εδώ και λίγες ημέρες επισκέπτομαι συχνά τον ψυχολόγο μου και άρχισα να κάνω ασκήσεις ηρεμίας, για αυτά που βλέπω, ακούω και διαβάζω στα τοπικά ΜΜΕ. Αρχικά είπα να τα κλείσω όλα και να μην ασχολούμαι μαζί τους, αλλά κάτι τέτοιο δεν θα ήταν εφικτό για την συγγραφή – εκπόνηση αυτού εδώ του κειμένου που με τόσο κόπο, πόνο και ιδρώτα παραθέτω κάθε τόσο, σε τούτη εδώ την διαδικτυακή γωνιά.

Ήταν και αυτή η άτιμη συγκυρία της περασμένης Δευτέρας, της παράνοιας και της παράκρουσης των αθλητικών τηλεοπτικών εκπομπών, που με οδήγησε στον ψυχολόγο και τις ασκήσεις ηρεμίας. Ξεκίνησα βλέπεις σύντροφε, μ’ αυτό το «Ντέρμπι» του TV mακεδονία και του παρουσιαστή που γελά διακεκομμένα βάζοντας σε λειτουργία ένα ειδικό μοτοράκι στον φάρυγγα, αλλά και των ιδιαίτερων καλεσμένων του. Αλήθεια ρε παιδιά γιατί την λέτε «Ντέρμπι» αυτή την εκπομπή; Ποιος παίζει; Το καγκουροχιούμορ με την άποψη; Η «δεν έχω ιδέα για τίποτα» με τον «ότι μου κατέβει στο κεφάλι». Δεν έχω καταλάβει ακόμη γιατί έχετε δώσει έναν καθαρά ποδοσφαιρικό όρο ως τίτλο σε μια εκπομπή που ακροβατεί επί μονίμου βάσεως στα όρια της μ@λ@κί@ς.

Βασικά σύντροφε αναγνώστη για να είμαι ακριβοδίκαιος, δεν έχω καταλάβει γιατί υπάρχει αυτή η εκπομπή. Τι προσφέρει στο φιλοθεάμων κοινό; Άποψη; Αντικειμενικότητα; Σοβαρότητα; Χιούμορ; Όσοι την έχουν δει ας δώσουν μόνοι τους την απάντηση. Ωστόσο εκείνο που πραγματικά με εκπλήσσει είναι η αντιμετώπιση που έχουν οι συντελεστές απέναντι στον Ηρακλή. Πιθανότατα αν δεν προβάλλονταν από το TV mακεδονία, η ομάδα μας να μην υπήρχε καν στο χάρτη της Superλίγδας για δαύτους.

Για παράδειγμα πριν κάτι μήνες, μας είχαν προαναγγείλει ένα αφιέρωμα στον Ηρακλή για όλα όσα πέρασε από την ημέρα που τον υποβίβασαν μέχρι την επιστροφή του. Στρωθήκαμε λοιπόν κι εμείς στον καναπέ με ποκ-κορν και πατατάκια να δούμε τι ετοίμασαν τα τσακάλια. Περιμέναμε, περιμέναμε, ξαναματαπεριμεναμε, φάγαμε τα πατατάκια, φάγαμε τα ποκ-κορν, φάγαμε ένα μπριαμ που έφτιαξε η μαμα, ένα κιουνεφέ – καταίφι, πήγαμε για χέσιμο, ξαναγυρίσαμε…τίποτα.Είπαμε: «μπα, μάλλον είναι πολύ μεγάλο και δεν χωράει σε μια εκπομπή». Και εκεί έξω πέσαμε.

Με τα πολλά και αφού η εκπομπή ήθελε δύο λεπτά για να ολοκληρωθεί, ακούσαμε τον παρουσιαστή Ξενοφώντα Χυτά, να μας λέει ότι ήρθε η ώρα να πάμε στο αφιέρωμα. Το οποίο σύντροφε αναγνώστη κράτησε δεν κράτησε ενάμιση με δύο λεπτά της ώρας. Σε δύο λεπτά οι άνθρωποι προσπάθησαν να χωρέσουν όλα όσα είχαμε περάσει και φυσικά εκείνο το αφιέρωμα, είναι ακόμη υποψήφιο για «χρυσό βατόμουρο» στην έρευνα.

Βέβαια δεν είναι μόνο ο τρόπος που αναφέρεται στον Ηρακλή, δηλαδή…σαν να μην υπάρχει, αλλά και οι καλεσμένοι που έχει συχνά – πυκνά για να αναφερθούν στην ομάδα. Τις προάλλες και ενώ είχε μαζευτεί στο στούντιο όλο το βετερανιλίκι του «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» αλλά ακόμη και του «Παπαναστασιακού», για τον Ηρακλή, μίλησε ένας απόστρατος ταξίαρχος της Αστυνομίας (!!!), το όνομα του οποίου μου διαφεύγει. Ο συγκεκριμένος σε όψη δεν είχε τίποτα. Ήταν ένας κλασσικός τύπος απόστρατου ταξίαρχου με ότι αυτό συνεπάγεται. Απλά όταν αποφάσισε να μιλήσει για ποδόσφαιρο τα μούτρα του ήταν κάπως έτσι…

130115-theoxaris

Ώσπου φτάσαμε στην εκπομπή της περασμένης Δευτέρας, όπου έγιναν πράγματα και θάματα. Θέτε για την φάση του τελευταίου λεπτού στον αγώνα με τον «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη»; Συντελεστές, καλεσμένοι, παρατρεχάμενοι, οπερατέρ, σκηνοθέτες, θυρωροί, κάμερες, τουαλέτες, καθιστικά, μονταζιέρες, έπεσαν όλοι πάνω στον Βαρούχα, σε μια προσπάθεια να τον πείσουν ότι ΝΤΕ ΚΑΙ ΚΑΛΑ ότι έγινε φάουλ στον Ολ-ιν. ‘Οχι» έλεγε ο καθηγητής, «Μα πως;» ρωτούσαν αυτοί. «Αφού ο Περόνε τον ακουμπάει στον γοφό» έλεγε ο ένας. «Όχι, όχι ο Βέλλιος τον ακουμπάει στη γάμπα» αντέτεινε ο άλλος. Δύο ώρες παρά κάτι λεπτά, έψαχναν να δουν ποιος τον ακούμπησε…τον Όλσεν και που. Μιλάμε για επιστήμη.

Κάπως έτσι βγήκαν περίφημες φράσεις από το στόμα του λαού όπως το…»Έκανα κι εγώ φάουλ στον Ολ-ιν» ή το «Στείλε fcIraklis στο 58769 και κάνε κι εσύ φάουλ στον Όλ-ιν». Αφού δεν βγήκε και το…»Στείλε fcIraklis στο 58769 και μάθε ποιος τον ακούμπησε…» πάλι καλά να λέμε.

Ωστόσο σύντροφε αναγνώστη, μην είμαστε και αχάριστοι. Η εκπομπή είχε και καλεσμένο Ηρακληδέα. Ναι – ναι όπως τα λέω. Είχαν καλέσει έναν διακριμένο Dj να πει την άποψή του για την φάση. Κάποιον Κίτρινο, Πράσινο, Μπλε; Δεν θυμάμαι ακριβώς τι χρώμα. Έτσι, μετά τον απόστρατο αστυνομικό ταξίαρχο και τον Dj, από εδώ και πέρα, περιμένουμε πως και πως έναν εκπρόσωπο του Ηρακλή που θα προέρχεται από οποιοδήποτε ευγενή…επάγγελμα. Βέβαια για να είμαστε σωστοί, ο Ξενοφώντας Χύτας με το γέλιο μοτοράκι, παρουσίασε τον…Χρωματιστό ως δημοσιογράφο που ασχολείται με τα θέματα του Ηρακλή. Χμ…και εγώ ήθελα κάποτε να πετάξω σαν την μύγα, αλλά όταν είδα ότι δεν μπορώ τα παράτησα.

Η αλήθεια είναι λοιπόν, ότι ο συγκεκριμένος ήθελε πράγματι να γίνει δημοσιογράφος. Αλλά όταν κατέθεσε τα χαρτιά του στην Ένωση Συντακτών του είπαν…»Μα εσύ είσαι Dj». Προφανώς νόμιζε ότι στη σύγχρονη Ελλάδα ο δημοσιογράφος με τον Dj είναι το ίδιο πράγμα, οπότε σου λέει, γιατι όχι; Τώρα βέβαια, πως να δεχτείς κάποιον ως δημοσιογράφο του Ηρακλή, όταν στενός συνεργάτης του είναι ένας άνθρωπος που σχεδόν ειρωνεύεται την ομάδα σε κάθε δεύτερη λέξη του και φυσικά χωρίς την αντίδραση του…Χρωματιστού. Ακόμη και σε μεγάλες χοντράδες του στυλ…»ο Παπαθανασάκης ζήτησε λεφτά από τον Σαββίδωφ» δέκα ημέρες πριν το παιχνίδι και άλλα πολλά.

Για το πως «διάβασε» τον αγώνα με τον «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» δεν θέλω να μιλήσω, καθώς στην ίδια μυθική εκπομπή, άποψη ανθρώπου που ασχολείται χρόνια με την δημοσιογραφία και ηγείται συγκροτήματος είπε το αμίμητο: «Παιδιά εμένα ο Ηρακλής μ’ άρεσε. Δεν ξέρω γιατί, αλλά μ’ άρεσε». Αυτές είναι αναλύσεις ρε Ούνοι. Λάτεκ, Μπεκεμπάουερ, Καν και π@π@ριές. Το «Ντέρμπι» είναι η επιτομή της ανάλυσης ενός ποδοσφαιρικού παιχνιδιού. Μιλάμε για κάτι ασύγκριτο, για κάτι άπιαστο, για μια μαγεία…

Πάντως τον καθηγητή διαιτησίας Βαρούχα – Κοιτάχτε, δεν του άλλαξαν άποψη. Και αφού την πρόταση του #Μιντιακλή για Παμπορίδη, την έγραψαν στις μπάλες τους ήρθε η ιστορική εκπομπή «Δίκη της Δευτέρας», για να αποκαταστήσει την εξίσου ιστορική αλήθεια σύντροφε αναγνώστη. Ναι, όπως στα λέω. Βρέθηκε πρώην διαιτητής που είπε ότι η φάση με τον Ολ-ιν είναι φάουλ. Ποιος; Μα ο πασίγνωστος διαιτητής, Γιώργος Φασόλης.

Το επίθετο είναι η αλήθεια ότι μου κίνησε την περιέργεια οπότε είπα να ανοίξω την μηχανή αναζήτησης και να ψαχτώ μπας και βγάλω λαβράκι. Τζίφος. Όσο και έψαξα βρήκα μόνο δύο φωτογραφίες τους τέως διαιτητή. Την μια σε παιδική ηλικία, όταν ακόμη οι αμερικανοαναθρεμένοι γονείς του τον φώναζαν στα Αγγλικά. Ορίστε σας την παραθέτω σήμερα για να πειστείτε…

fasolakis1

Η δεύτερη που βρήκα ήταν το εξώφυλλο από το άλμπουμ που είχε εκδώσει λίγα μόλις 24ωρα μετά τον γάμο του. Ήταν μάλιστα μιούζικαλ και από ότι λένε ανέβηκε και στο Μέγαρο Μουσικής Αθηνών. Ιδού…

Gfasolia

Βέβαια συνεχίζοντας το ψάξιμο βρήκα σε αποκλειστικό βίντεο και το πως θα καταλήξει ο Φασόλης σε λίγα χρόνια.

Πάντως για να μην τον αδικούμε και εντελώς τον Φασόλη, ο άνθρωπος δεν είχε την απαραίτητη σιγουριά για το αν η φάση ήταν όντως φάουλ στον Ολ-ιν αλλά απηυδισμένος και αυτός από την αγωνιώδη αναζήτηση των δημοσιογράφων, είπε να γίνει Φασόλης…ο 1ος. Τώρα περιμένουμε και τον Μπάμια, τον Αρακά και τα υπόλοιπα λαδερά για άποψη.

Όσο για τις υπόλοιπες…αμφισβητούμενες φάσεις; Θα μιλήσει η ιστορία. Απλά θα σας πούμε ότι συμπεριλήφθηκαν τρεις – τέσσερις φάσεις που ούτε καν μπορεί κάποιος να τις αποκαλέσει αμφισβητούμενες, ενώ αφαιρέθηκαν άλλες (βλ. λανθασμένο οφ-σάιντ του Πασά) αλλά αυτό υποθέτουμε ότι συνέβη στα πλαίσια της στενής φιλίας που συνδέει τον ιδιοκτήτη του Βο-ΣΚΑΙ με τον ιδιοκτήτη της ΣΕΚΑΠ. Δεν πειράζει παιδιά εμείς καταλαβαίνουμε και πίσω από τις λέξεις.

Τόσα χρόνια στο κουρμπέτι, έχουμε μάθει καλά ότι ο Ηρακλής, αποτελεί κακό σπυρί στον κώλο σας, αλλά τι να κάνουμε. Το σπυρί αυτό επιβίωσε σε σκληρότερες καταστάσεις, σε εσάς θα κώλοσει;

Ξεχάστε τα όλα όμως και αποθεώστε την δημοσιογραφία της πόλης μας με το παρακάτω κομμάτι που δημοσιεύτηκε…(ναι δημοσιεύτηκε) στην εφημερίδα Μετροσπορτ. Μιλάμε ότι το πούλιτζερ είναι πολύ μικρό βραβείο μάγκες. Το κείμενο έχει τον διακριτικό τίτλο: «Τα…διοικητικά παράπονα του ΠΑΟΚ από τον Ηρακλή». Τα υπόλοιπα είναι ιστορία. Ανοίξτε τα μάτια ορθάνοιχτα και ξεστραβωθείτε…

«Δεν είναι μόνο αγωνιστικά, κάποια παράπονα που έχει ο ΠΑΟΚ. Και δεν φταίει φυσικά ο Ηρακλής για το αν ο Κουκουλάκης για παράδειγμα μπορούσε ή όχι (ο καθένας το κρίνει διαφορετικά) να σφυρίξει φάουλ στην τελευταία φάση.

Τα παράπονα της διοίκησης του ΠΑΟΚ, εστιάζονται στην φιλοξενία που έτυχαν στο Καυτανζόγλειο. Διότι όπως λένε, τους δόθηκαν πολύ λιγότερες προσκλήσεις από αυτές που ζητήθηκαν (έλεγαν χαρακτηριστικά πως και ο Ολυμπιακός τους έδωσε περισσότερες) ενώ στην σουίτα που φιλοξενήθηκαν, δεν παραβρέθηκε κανένας άνθρωπος του Ηρακλή για να τους υποδεχθεί. Το… κέρασμα ήταν λιτό, ενώ η τηλεόραση στην σουίτα δεν λειτουργούσε! Λεπτομέρειες μεν, που για τις διοικήσεις κάνουν την διαφορά».

Σηκώνω τα χέρια ψηλά σύντροφοι. Δεν υπάρχει σωτηρία…καμιά!

Καλό βράδυ σε όλους…

ΥΓ1: Το σάουντρακ της σημερινής ημέρας…

ΥΓ2: Όλο λέω ότι θα ασχοληθώ με την κάρτα φιλάθλου και όλο το αναβάλω ελέω της επικαιρότητας. Υπόσχομαι ότι σ’ αυτή την ανοησία του σενιόρ Κονδονή θα αφιερώσω ένα μεγάλο κομμάτι ώστε να δώσουμε ένα χεράκι και να την στείλουμε στο διάολο προτού την εφαρμόσουν…

ΥΓ3: Όπως μπορείτε να διαπιστώσετε παρακάτω, υπάρχει η δυνατότητα άμεσου σχολιασμού των θεμάτων, χωρίς να απαιτείται έγκριση. Είμαι βέβαιος ότι δεν θα με βάλετε στην διαδικασία της λογοκρισίας, την οποία σιχαίνομαι. Για όσους προτιμάτε την επικοινωνία μέσω e-mail, τα μηνύματά σας στο γραμματοκιβώτιο του [email protected]

9.345 Comments

  1. ΣΗΜΕΡΑ ΒΓΑΛΑΝΕ ΨΥΧΟΛΟΓΟ ΝΑ ΜΙΛΗΣΕΙ ΓΙΑ ΤΑ ΨΥΧΟΛΟΓΙΚΑ ΤΟΥ ΟΛ-ΙΝ
    ΧΑΛΑΛΙ ΤΟ ΜΕΡΟΚΑΜΑΤΟ ΤΟΥ γιαννη ΔΕΝ ΠΑΕΙ ΧΑΜΕΝΟ

  2. Δεν έχει γίνει αναφορά σε κανένα κανάλι ή ιστοσελίδα για τον ρόλο του 3ου παίκτη που συμμετέχει στην φάση. Αναφέρομαι στον συμπαίκτη του Όλσεν που βρίσκεται κολλητά πίσω του και έχει απλωμένο το δεξί του χέρι με σκοπό να πιάσει; την μπάλα αλλά μάλλον τρομάζει τον Ολσεν, που έχοντας τεταμένα τα χέρια του στον ουρανό φαίνεται να λέει: «Οοοο…» Και μιας και όλοι οι «ειδικοί» μπόρεσαν να δουν που βρισκόταν τα χέρια των παικτών του ΗΡΑΚΛΗ ας μας πουν που βρισκόταν το άλλο χέρι του συμπαίκτη του Ολσεν.

  3. Φιλαράκι σε διαβάζω μαζί με τα νέα του Ηρακλή μας ( είσαι κι εσυ ένα κομμάτι του όπως κι εγώ και όλοι οι άλλοι ) για τα ντέρμπι και ιστορίες δεν μπορώ να πω πολλα δυστυχώς όλα τα παιχνίδια τα ακούω στο ράδιο και δεν έχω εικόνα λόγω δουλειάς και απόστασης ( επειδη όμως εχω δει άπειρα , ακούω την περιγραφή και είναι σαν να τα βλέπω) αλλά με αυτό το θέμα της κάρτας φιλάθλου εχω ένα τεράστιο πως / πως εγώ πλέον σαν κάτοικος εξωτερικού θα έρθω ( όταν στρώσουν τα πραματα) να δω τον Ηρακλή μου να δω όλα αυτά που τα τελευταία χρόνια και δεν μπορώ να δω … Και ποιος πουστης δεν θα μου δώσει εισητηριο να μπω μέσα στο γήπεδο … Στο γήπεδο που έζησα ( δεν μπορώ να περιγράψω τι έζησα ) …
    Πως μπορεί κάποιος να μου το αρνηθεί αυτό ;
    Με ποιο δικαίωμα;
    Υ.Γ. Η ομάδα πήρε το δρόμο της και θα κάνει αυτό που πρέπει τους εχω όλους εμπιστοσύνη
    Υ.Γ.1 θέλει κουράγιο και δύναμη για να πας μπροστά

    Καλό κουράγιο μάγκες και καλή δύναμη και όταν με τον καιρό γυρίσω η πρώτη και η μόνιμη στάση μου θα είναι το Καυτατζόγλειο …

    Σαν τον Ηρακλή
    Δεν έχει !
    Και το ξέρουν όλοι

    Καλό σας ξημέρωμα
    Καλό κουράγιο
    Και αφού τα αντέξαμε όλα αυτά
    Στο δρόμο είναι και τα καλύτερα

    Να είστε καλά
    Ηρακλής μέχρι εκεί που δεν πάει

  4. Φίλε #man έχω πάθει πλάκα με την ανάλυσή σου, ούτε εγώ την πρόσεξα τόσο. Να είσαι καλά. #Γιώργο δεν έχω λόγια φίλε με το μήνυμά σου. Να είσαι σίγουρος πως όταν σου όλα βολέψουν (εύχομαι σύντομα) και ξανά έρθεις στο Καυτανζόγλειο δεν θα σου στερήσει κανείς την είσοδο. Αρκεί η αντίδραση αδιανόητο ή μάλλον ανόητο μέτρο της Κυβέρνησης να είναι μαζική και ολομέτωπη.

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