7.253

Ομήρου…Μπαρτολινάδα

Καλησπέρα στις απανταχού γριές όλου του κόσμου…

Λοιπόν σύντροφε αναγνώστη αυτό το πράγμα πρώτη φορά μου συμβαίνει. Να γράφω δηλαδή ένα κείμενο πριν από ένα παιχνίδι με τον «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» και να παραμένει επίκαιρο ακόμη και μετά το τέλος του αγώνα. Πες το προαίσθημα, πες το διαίσθηση, πες το τρίτο μάτι, αλλά ως άρρωστη γριά, έχω πλέον την πεποίθηση ότι με το κόμπλεξ κατωτερότητας που τους δέρνει μέσα στο Καυτονζόγριο, δεν θα κερδίσουν ποτέ!

Στο πλαίσιο αυτό, οι 6.433 ημέρες που σήμερα πλέον έγιναν 6.434 και το κοντέρ της «αμπαλοσύνης» τους συνεχίζει να γράφει, το κείμενο της Παρασκευής μπορείς να το ξαναδιαβάσεις με την ίδια άνεση και σήμερα, πριν από τον επόμενο αγώνα στο Καυτονζόγριο αλλά και μετά και έπειτα να το ξαναδιαβάσεις πριν από τον μεθεπόμενο αγώνα στο Καυτανζόγλειο και έπειτα μετά, στη συνέχεια να το ξαναδιαβάσεις πριν από τον μέθεμεθεπόμενο αγώνα και πάει λέγοντας, μέχρι να ασπρίσουν τα μαλλιά μας…

counting
Βέβαια κανείς δεν πανηγυρίζει για μια ισοπαλία με την Κλεάνθους. Και δεν πανηγυρίζεις γιατί αντιπάλους σαν τον χθεσινό, έχεις μάθει να τους κερδίζεις και αυτοί έχουν μάθει να χάνουν από το μακρινό 1998. Άσχετα αν το σκορ του αγώνα αδικεί πεντακάθαρα και κατάφορα την ομάδα του Νίκου Παπαδόπουλου. Πολύ δε περισσότερο από την στιγμή που προηγήθηκε δύο φορές στο σκορ και μάλιστα την δεύτερη σε ένα πολύ κρίσιμο σημείο όπως αυτό στο τέλος του πρώτου ημιχρόνου (43’), που της κόπηκε ένα ανύπαρκτο οφ-σάιντ στο δεύτερο μέρος σε επίθεση του Πασά, ο οποίος έβγαινε μόνος απέναντι στον Όλσεν ή αλλιως Ολ-ιν τερματοφύλακα του «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη», κι έχασε μια μοναδική ευκαιρία με την βολίδα του Κυριακίδη η οποία αν πήγαινε μέσα, η σεμνή τελετή θα έπαιρνε πρόωρα τέλος.

Δεν έγινε αυτό, φτάσαμε στο γκολ του Μπαρτολίνι και κάποιοι θυμήθηκαν να ξανα-ματα-επανα-παίξουν τον ρόλο στον οποίο τους έχουμε συνηθίσει. Αυτόν που συνήθως αναλάμβανε να φέρει εις πέρας οοοοοοο…

kailas

Από τις πρώτες πρωινές ώρες, δημοσιογράφοι και ραδιοφωνικοί παραγωγοί της μικρής μας πόλης ξεσκόνισαν τηλεφωνικούς καταλόγους και ευρετήρια για να βρουν εναγωνίως έναν διαιτητή (βετεράνο ή εν’ ενεργεία δεν έχει σημασία) που θα που πει ότι στην φάση του τελευταίου γκολ έγινε επιθετικό φάουλ στον Ολ-ιν. Αρχικά βγαίνει ο Βαρούχας στο κανάλι του Αλαφού (κολλητού του Σαββίδωφ και συνοδοιπόρο στην αλλαγή χαλίφη στο Ελληνικό ποδόσφαιρο) ο οποίος με τον γνωστό του τρόπο περιγράφει τη φάση: «Ο παίκτης του Ηρακλή, κοιτάχτε, εκτελεί το φάουλ (σ.σ. Πασάς), ο Τζαβέλας θυμάται τον παλιό μακρινό συν-επώνυμο ξάδερφο από το έπος του 21’ και με μια κίνηση παραδοσιακού χορού στέλνει την μπάλα στο διάολο. Έπειτα…κοιτάχτε, όσο η μπάλα πέφτει κανα τρία τέταρτα δηλαδή από τότε που σηκώθηκε, κανένας παίκτης δεν παρεμποδίζει τον Όλσεν, ο Μπαρτολίνι πιάνει την κεφαλιά και κοιτάχτε, στέλνει την μπάλα στα δίχτυα. Δεν υπάρχει κανένα φάουλ». Τζίφος για Πανούτσους και Σία που προσπαθούν να μας πείσουν για το αντίθετο…

Κρύος ιδρώτας έπιασε σήμερα και τον σύντροφο Γιώργο, γνωστό παρουσιαστή μεσημεριανής σχεδόν εκπομπής που δεν μπόρεσε να ξεπεράσει το χθεσινό σοκ. «Πρέπει να βρω οπωσδήποτε έναν διαιτητή να μου ΠΕΙ ΟΤΙ ΗΤΑΝ ΦΑΟΥΛ». Βγάζει τον Μηντιούρη και αυτός τα ίδια. «Δεν υπάρχει φάουλ». Μέχρι και τον κανονισμό έψαξαν τα τσακάλια της επιχείρησης που εδρεύει όλως τυχαίως στα…Κωνσταντινουπολίτικα για να στηρίξουν τον ισχυρισμό τους, αλλά τίποτα. Εκείνον όμως που ξέχασαν τα τσακάλια, ήταν τον άνθρωπο που σε έναν αγώνα πρωταθλήματος στην Του(λου)μπα, αντί να βγάλει εφτά κόκκινες, δεκαπέντε κίτρινες και δύο πράσινες κάρτες σε ορισμένους για να φύγουν και απ’ την χώρα, άφησε τον «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» να ολοκληρώσει το ματς με έντεκα και εν’ τέλει να κερδίσει τον αγώνα με 1-0.

Κομμάτια να γίνει θα πω εγώ, από την στιγμή που δεν θρηνήσαμε θύματα σε εκείνο το ματς εντός αγωνιστικού χώρου, καθώς τουλάχιστον οι Γιάκομπ και Επστάιν λίγο έλειψε να αφήσουν τα νιάτα τους εκεί, πάλι καλά. Και για να σας λύσω τις απορίες, μιλάω για τον έναν και μοναδικό, τον αξεπέραστο, τον γίγαντα Παμπορίδη. Ναι αυτόν τον αρχι-διαιτητή, που έμοιαζε να έχει βγει από διαφήμιση των Goody’s. Και επειδή ακριβώς έκανε την μια άκρη του γηπέδου μέχρι την άλλη σε μιάμιση ώρα και εικοσιπέντε λεπτά και επειδή μια συμπάθεια στο σωματείο της Κλεάνθους την είχε, ε…σ’ αυτή τη φάση θα μπορούσε να ισχυριστεί ότι ο Κουκουλάκης, ίσα που σφύριζε και πέναλτι.

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Βέβαια επειδή ο καιρός έχει περάσει και τα χνάρια του Παμπορίδη έχουν χαθεί, εγώ ο #Μιντιακλής σε συνεργασία με τον #ΓκοτζΗΡΑ βρήκαμε και τον δεύτερο άνθρωπο που θα μπορούσε να ισχυριστεί ότι υπήρξε φάουλ. Και μιλάμε φυσικά για τον Αρτέμη Μάτσα, γνωστό ηθοποιό με έφεση στον ρόλο του ρουφ…………….γκάρντεν ενός ξενοδοχείου. Μα που πήγε το μυαλό σας; Και για να σας πείσουμε ότι ο Αρτέμης το έκαμε το ψηστήρι στον Κουκουλάκη, σας παρουσιάζουμε και αποκλειστικά ντοκουμέντα, με τον αστικό μύθο να θέλει τον Ματσα να λέει στον ρέφερι: «Οι διαιτητές είναι φίλοι μας. Έλα Μιχάλη, σφύρα το φαουλάκι να πάρουμε επιτέλους τριποντάκι…»

artemismatsas

Βέβαια σύντροφε αναγνώστη υπήρξαν και άλλοι δαιμόνιοι ρεπόρτερ από χθες, που έπιασαν την πένα τους και ξεκίνησαν τις θεωρίες συνωμοσίας. Την καλύτερη την διαβάσαμε στο Gazzetta.gr για τον λόγο που χάθηκε το πέναλτι από τον Dimitri Walker ή αλλιώς Δημήτρη Περπάτοφ. Σύμφωνα με το γεπογτάζ, ο Σάμπο λέει που ήξερε τον Περνίς από την Σλοβακία, είπε στον Δημήτρη που να χτυπήσει το πέναλτι και εκείνος σαν μην έφαγε τα γήπεδα της Πρέμιερ Λιγκ με το κουτάλι άκουσε κάποιον…Σάμπο που μέχρι πέρσι έπαιζε στον Σπάρτακο Τυρνάβου να του λέει: «ΕΚΕΙ ΘΑ ΤΟ ΧΤΥΠΗΣΕΙΣ».

Όλα αυτά βέβαια ανήκουν στην σφαίρα της φαντασίας, γιατί ο #Μιντιακλής σας έχει και εδώ την αποκλειστική απάντηση. Την εντολή δηλαδή που πήρε ο Περνίς για το που και το πως θα πέσει στο πέναλτι του Δημήτρη. Και αυτή ήρθε από μια Ανώτερη Δύναμη που του υπέδειξε το σημείο…

theosΤώρα αν αναρωτιέστε ακόμη τι θέλει να πει το ποιητή, να σας πούμε ότι επειδή ως γνωστόν ούτε ο Θεός δεν ήθελε τον «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» να φύγει με το τρίποντο από το Καυτανζόγριο, η Ανώτερη Δύναμη άκουσε τον Σάμπο να μιλάει στον Δημήτρη και αμέσως έδειξε το σημείο που θα πήγαινε η μπάλα. Αυτά είναι ρεπορτάζ γατιά, όχι τα δικά σας…

Το γεγονός πάντως ότι το «πραγματικό» ρεπορτάζ αναφέρει πως ο  Σάμπο δεν μιλάει καλά-καλά, ούτε καν την Αγγλική, αλλά παρ’ όλα αυτά πρόλαβε σε δευτερόλεπτα να εξηγήσει σε έναν Βούλγαρο ότι ο Περνίς πέφτει σε μια συγκεκριμένη γωνία αλλά και να υποδείξει που να χτυπήσει το πέναλτι για να το βάλει, ανήκει μάλλον στη σφαίρα της φαντασίας των ίδιων των δημοσιογράφων που ασχολούνται με το γεπογταζ της Κλεάνθους.

Μακαρίζουμε και την τύχη μας δηλαδή, που δεν μας είπαν, ότι ο Σλοβάκος Σάμπο του «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» μίλησε με τον συνονόματο του αν και Ούγγρο μυστακοφόρο Σάμπο, που την δεκαετία του 80′ έπαιζε στον Ηρακλή έχοντας κολλητό και μεταφραστή τον Καραίσκο κι αυτός με την σειρά του είπε τις αδυναμίες του Περνίς, ο οποίος αν και από απόσταση ψηλιάστικε τι μετέφερε ο Σλοβάκος Σάμπο, που του είχε πει νωρίτερα ο Ούγγρος Σάμπο, στον Δημήτρη, ουφ…κουράστηκα!

Πάμε όμως τώρα και σε πραγματικές στιγμές χιούμορ, διότι υπήρξαν και τέτοιες στο περιθώριο του χθεσινού αγώνα. Όπως είναι γνωστό σύντροφε αναγνώστη, τελευταία κάθε ιστοσελίδα που σέβεται τον εαυτό της, έχει έναν τύπο ο οποίος πετάει εύστοχα τσιτσάτα και τις περισσότερες φορές με…χιούμορ σχολιάζει την επικαιρότητα. Και εμείς εδώ έχουμε τον γνωστό #DrBlue. Αλλά θέλω να σταθώ λίγο σε αυτού του είδους τον σχολιασμό. Ο οποίος για να θεωρηθεί πετυχημένος, πρέπει να έχει ένα σημαντικό στοιχείο. Το ΧΙΟΥΜΟΡ. Αυτό απ’ ότι φαίνεται παραμένει άγνωστο στο Inpaok.com, καθώς τα δικά τους τσιτάτα μας δίνουν την εντύπωση ότι την δουλειά μπορεί να την κάνει ο οποιοσδήποτε. Ας πάρουμε λοιπόν μια γεύση από τα…πετυχημένα τσιτάτα τους!

Πάμε…Νο1

1Με το «καλημέρα» σχεδόν καταλαβαίνεις ότι την θέση του χιουμορίστα ατακαδόρου έχει πάρει κάποιος που νομίζει ότι είναι…αστείος. Πριν καλά – καλά νιώσεις την Σιβηρία στο πετσί σου έρχεται και δεύτερη ατάκα κόλαφος…

2

Εεε εκεί είναι που αρχίζεις να λες…σταματήστε μ@λ@κές κλαίμε από τα γέλ…οοοοοοοχιιιι έρχεται και τρίτη ατάκα…

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Σοβαρά τώρα εκεί στο Inpaok.com αυτό που παίρνετε να το σταματήστε. Δεν κάνει καλό στην υγεία σας. Ευτυχώς δηλαδή που στο Σαλόνικα έχουμε ακόμα ζέστη και δεν την…καίμε την γαργαλιέρα. Πάντως στο παλληκάρι αξίζει ένα μεγάλο ΕΥΓΕ γιατί παίρνει άνετα το βραβείο Σεφερλοπουλίτζερ. Δεν έχει τίποτα να ζηλέψει σε…κρυάδα από τον γνωστό κωμικό.

Και επειδή πολύ συζήτηση έγινε και για τα μπάτζετ των ομάδων, ο κολλητός μου πλέον #ΓκοτζΗΡΑ, την λήγει και αυτή με τον γνωστό του τρόπο και μάλιστα με την συμμετοχή των περισσοτέρων πρωταγωνιστών του χθεσινού παιχνιδιού. Αυτές είναι ατάκες με ΧΙΟΥΜΟΡ γατιά…

makri

Κλείνοντας το σημερινό μου πόνημα, πρέπει να πω ότι είδα και τον Γιώργο της ΕΤ3 σήμερα σε ανάλυση του χθεσινού αγώνα. Και μέσα σε όλα αναφέρθηκε και στα φέιγ-βολάν που πετάχτηκαν στο Καυτανζόγριο, τα οποία με μια φράση καλωσόριζαν τους πρόσφυγες στην πόλη μας. Απ’ όλο τον αγώνα, ο Γιώργος αυτό κράτησε. Επειδή λοιπόν υποθέτω ότι τα κοινωνικά θέματα δεν τα παρακολουθείς και τόσο καλά, να σου πω ότι οι οπαδοί του Ηρακλή, τάχθηκαν από την πρώτη στιγμή στο πλευρό αυτών των ανθρώπων, που άφησαν την πατρίδα τους για να αναζητήσουν ένα καλύτερο αύριο. Δεν περιμέναμε ότι αυτό θα ενοχλούσε τόσο ανθρώπους που φωνάζουν πως έχουν ζήσει την προσφυγιά στο πετσί τους.

Λοιπόν αυτά τα ολίγα για σήμερα…

Καλό βράδυ Ηρακλάρες μου και τα ξαναλέμε σύντομα…

ΥΓ1: Το σάουντρακ της σημερινής ημέρας…

ΥΓ2: Ρε σεις άφησα το καλύτερο για το τέλος και αποτελεί αίτημα προς την Μίκρα. Ζητώ λοιπόν από την ΠΑΕ Ηρακλής στον επαναληπτικό να ζητήσει εισιτήρια, διότι τελικά μεμονωμένοι οπαδοί του «Κάνω διακοπές απ’ τον Γενάρη» βρέθηκαν στην Θύρα 1 και παρακολουθήσαν την αναμέτρηση. Τους είδαμε όλοι, ήταν εκεί, με πλήρη εξάρτηση. Με κράνη και παλάσκες. Η φωτό άλλωστε είναι αδιάψευστος μάρτυρας…

irap1

ΥΓ3: Όπως μπορείτε να διαπιστώσετε παρακάτω, υπάρχει η δυνατότητα άμεσου σχολιασμού των θεμάτων, χωρίς να απαιτείται έγκριση. Είμαι βέβαιος ότι δεν θα με βάλετε στην διαδικασία της λογοκρισίας, την οποία σιχαίνομαι. Για όσους προτιμάτε την επικοινωνία μέσω e-mail, τα μηνύματά σας στο γραμματοκιβώτιο του [email protected]

7.253 Comments

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